New Year's Eve

New Year’s Eve is always a time of reflection  and a time to say goodbye to the bits of 2012 that I want to leave in 2012. I really see the start of a new year as an opportunity to start afresh. There’s something about the turn of a new year which enables you to say, ‘ok, that’s done, leave it in the past and move on’ OR ‘this has to continue, I’m taking it wit me!’

For me, the year has been filled with massive highs and massive lows but the massive highs and the general positive feeling I have managed to carry throughout the year have made me realize how fantastic this year has been and I love each and every person who contributed to it. Looking back from 1 Jan 2012 – 31 Dec 2012, I’ve had an INCREDIBLE year and I’m so excited to take forward certain aspects of it into 2013.

I hope that you’ve all had a fantastic year and that there are more things that you’ll be carrying on into the New Year than leaving behind. 

A tune and some pictures to wish you ALL a VERY Happy New Year.

S

Be whoever YOU want to be

I have fallen in love with this quote, thanks to Malou Morgan for sharing it with me AND for her inspirational blog post

F. Scott Fitzgerald – Be Whoever You Want To Be

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

My little insight:

*Believe in yourself and don't be scared to jump, it might be terrifying but life will only provide you with more delights*

S

Break up healin'

I wrote this about 4 days after my ex broke up with me so the emotions on this page are RAW.....and quite a bit of time has since passed.

So here it is, my heart aches, my heart is broken. This pain I am feeling I have never felt before. I have never loved someone who just doesn't love me back. I guess I've been lucky in that respect and I now know what it feels like to be left behind in this haze of love. But where you are going? And why don't you want to stay? I don't understand.

So, in order for me to process, understand, and ultimately move on I'm going to write. I'm going to pour my emotions onto sheets and sheets of paper and some of these will end up on my blog. Because writing is cathartic and will help heal.

No-one can really prepare you for heart ache. Although losing someone close to you is somewhat similar, I believe they're inherently different. That person is dead. There is absolute and utter closure. You will never see them again and you can mourn properly. When you are broken up with, you still, stupidly, cling on to that strand of hope - maybe one day.... perhaps if the circumstances were different....maybe when he realises how much he misses me..... Goodness knows I've done that with other loves and am trying my damned hardest not to do the same this time. IT'S OVER. 

One tip I have for y'all - when 'the conversation' comes around, get everything out in the air, talk it ALL through so that not one strand of hope remains (although it's extremely likely you'll invent some...). He couldn't have been clearer with me "I don't give enough of a shit about you as I should". I even asked if there was any hope for the future - "NO". So no, there isn't. IT'S OVER.

That wont stop it hurting though because you cling on to what you had and you miss the person you fell/was falling in love with. You somehow, during the midst of the break up season (because it is a season and it will pass), forget the reasons you were even close to breaking up.  Your memory decides to stick to the AMAZING times you spent together, it doesn't seem to want to remember the shitty, tense, emotional, uncertain times so it’s up to you to kick your memory into action and remember why it came to an end.

Gahh, it’s just so frustrating that the only thing to do is WAIT. TIME heals all. Well fuck you TIME, I want to heal NOW.  Obviously you do the usual things – spend an insane amount of time with friends, keep yourself very busy, suddenly work became that much more interesting and facebook/twitter disappear from your life…. BUT time is the ultimate healer. One day I will be able to imagine kissing someone else, One day I will be able to give myself wholly to someone new, One day….one day.

This is all very raw for me and I swing from missing him, feeling his lack of presence in my life to feeling relieved I don’t have to put up with any more bullshit to wishing I didn't have such strong feelings for him and that he hadn’t left me hanging dry.


TIME PASSES 

In a more serene moment I'd like to say that break ups also bring positive effects to your life so in a way I can thank my ex for walking away because, and this is not all down to our break up, I have since taken up new hobbies, cultivated old and new friendships, become closer to certain people and changed. Out of pain and sadness comes change. You will not stay in the same state of emotion forever. You may feel that it will last forever but it just won't. EVERY DAY is different. And tomorrow will come and with it change.

Through your season don't kick yourself if some days you feel like you're ready to move on and the next you're listening to a song that reminds you of him and burst out crying. It's a process and a slow one at that. Keep busy but also take time to process and think about your emotions. I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason and so now is the time to take into consideration your feelings and emotions and let them flow over you. Process them and together with time, you will feel better, more connected to yourself and a stronger person - all cliches but all true. 

Some people may ask why I've written and published this, well firstly because writing is extremely cathartic and has helped me immensely. Secondly because I believe that we can all learn from each other's experiences and listening to my friends experiences of heart aches has helped me a lot so I thought maybe this blog post would help some of you or at least let you know that we are many going through this kind of heart ache and that you WILL be OK.

S

1in4

Did you know that 1 in 4 women will suffer from domestic violence in their lifetime?

1 IN 4.

Look around you. Are there 4 or more women around? (I hope so, otherwise that demonstrates the lack of gender diversity in your workforce/academic field but that’s a whole other issue.) Well, 1 of them will experience some form of domestic violence in her lifetime. 

Stats exist for a reason.

Open your heart and mind to the realities that confront 1 in 4 women daily and learn to support these women.

Support a friend.

Watch this video.

S

What the F is Cupping?!

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? 
OH MY GOD
ARGHHHHHHH
LOOK AT YOUR BACK!!!!! (Note, this is physically impossible!)
JESUS CHRIST.
ARE YOU CRAZY?


These are but some of the extraordinary reactions I received when I put up a picture of my back on Facebook and showed my friends and family. My back, which is covered in perfectly formed purpleish circles. This, my dear readers, is cupping. 

You can see it here on Gwyneth Paltrow's back and I'm sure a ton of celebs / 'normal' people have had it done.

It's a East Asian tradition (my mum used to have it done when she was ill as a youngster) and involves heating a small glass cup to get all the air out of it and then placing it on certain areas of your body to create a suction which pulls the blood up to the surface. This is to create better blood circulation and break down the lactic acid, to ultimately relax your muscles and relieve tension.

I found the whole process very enjoyable if a bit weird. My upper back is definitely more relaxed now and I can move my shoulders without feeling like they're laden with a ton of bricks.

My back did ache where the bruises are for 24 hours and I really hope they go by the time I hit the beach in Rio! I've enjoyed freaking people out with them, they do look very very bizarre - like crop circles on my body.

Special thanks has to go to my friend Clem who decorated these bad boys so well for the Diwali party we attended.

I recommend trying it and next time you see these weird circles, you'll know what they are!


S

Your first time counts

I am an avid fan of the West Wing therefore interested in American politics as well as being a fan of Obama. He's not perfect, he's not done a LOT of things he said he would do BUT he's about 50000000000000000000 time better than MITT ROMNEY. 

My list of things that are wrong with Mitt Romney:
-anti-gay
-anti-abortion
-anti-women 
-anti-healthcare
-pro-war


Lena Dunham endorsed Obama with this little video about her first time... Definitely make sense to make the most of your first time or make an even BETTER choice your second/third/fourth time. Whatever number it is for you, Vote Obama next Tuesday 6th November. 

S

Easiest test in the world

Are you a feminist? 1 in 7 women say NO and I'm pretty sure a stat like that doesn't even exist for men even though I know plenty of men who call themselves feminists.

ANYWAY, take this test and you shall see how easy it is to call yourself a feminist, putting aside just for one second all the elements that can be associated with it (race, class, geography, culture, space, politics...)

http://www.areyouafeminist.com/

I hope you'll find the answer to be a resounding YES!


S

Inspire and be inspired

1. ”An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind.” - M.K. Gandhi

2. ”It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” – Aristotle

3. ”It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get up.” - Vince Lombardi

4. “If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today.” - E. Joseph Cossman

5. ”Remember that happiness is a way of travel, not a destination.” - Roy Goodman

6.  “To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.” - Elbert Hubbard

7. “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” - Winston Churchill

8. “If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up.” - J.M. Power

9.  “Someone was hurt before you, wronged before you, hungry before you, frightened before you, beaten before you, humiliated before you, raped before you… yet, someone survived… You can do anything you choose to do.” –Maya Angelou

  

10. “When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.” Helen Keller

11. “All great changes are preceded by chaos.” -Deepak Chopra

12. “Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.” -Mary Anne Radmacher

S

GO GO Julia Gillard - speaking out against sexism

What an inspirational female leader - actually standing up and pointing out sexist remarks made by the Leader of the Opposition.

"If he wants to know what misogyny looks like in modern Australia he doesn't need a motion in the House of Representatives, he needs a mirror" - BOOM!

S

Rambling feminists

I've decided to post an email exchange between my sister and I in order to share how confused we feel about a young woman in today's world. Obviously it's not the same case for everyone but I'd be interested to know if others feel like this too......

A feminist rant

I'm reading "Bitch: In Praise of Difficult Woman", a feminist tract written years ago and I'm beginning to understand why all of this is so confusing. By all of this I mean the two opposing thoughts that are always inside me. Firstly, the "I'm a feminist, I'm independent, I don't need a guy, if he doesn't like me that's fine."

Secondly, the "how do I act, I shouldn't seem too flirty/desperate, I can't go crazy after he breaks my heart, I need to be self-contained and self possessed and be a lady."

But these are their rules - men's rules. Or, rather, women's rules for living in a man's world. What about my own rules?? Why can't I be both a feminist, and be independent but also sometimes desperately crave a guy's attention and go bat shit crazy when he hurts me?? Why am I advising my sister to cut herself away from her ex, to not make the same mistakes I made with my ex, when I kept emailing/texting him for about 3 months after he broke up with me? I say it's because I don't want her to prolong her hurt but maybe keeping it inside herself is more damaging.

Why do we tell ourselves that we are independent women but then adhere to the societal rules that tell us the "right" way to act with a guy? Because we allll do. I'm probably the worst at this, always telling my girlfriends to relax, just be cool, act like this, don't be like that.

Argh. I'm still as confused as ever but at least I know where my confusion is arising from. We are bombarded from all sides by contradictory messages. You are strong, and you don't need a man...but this is how you should act when you want one.

K bye
xxx

First of all, this book sounds fun - I want to read it.

Secondly, being a woman, perhaps more so than being a man is a continuous paradox. It seems, especially those of us who believe in feminist values, that we're condemned to fight with ourselves constantly. But the key to all this confusion is to accept it - I am a feminist but I also want to be held by a man and for him to tell me that he'll love me forever. 

Thirdly, in terms of break ups (which SUCK MASSIVE BALLS!) everyone reacts completely differently and you have to do what you believe is best for you. You should try and listen to your friends and to yourself deep down but fuck it, life's here to make big mistakes and act like a fool because that's the only we learn. Without these shitty times we just wouldn't understand a whole lot of emotions or truly live life to the full. Such a cliche - but 'better to have loved and lost (and become hysterical on the way) than not to have loved at all.....'

I truly believe you can be a feminist (in whatever way you believe a feminist to be) and also be a hysterical, ‘give me some lovin’ NOW’ woman. It's the beauty of being a human being filled with such a variety of emotions.

Accepting that we can be both is hard but I think once we reach that level of acceptance then life will become that little bit easier... I THINK!

S xx

S

Fishin' for my supper

There’s something unbelievably relaxing and therapeutic about digging your hands into the soft, wet sand and searching for clams.

This is what my friends and I were doing last Monday (oh how to start every week on the beach, clam-pickin’!) on La Baule beach. A chance stroll down to the beach to awaken our senses led us to hunt for clams for hours. The tide was low and the Baulois were out in full force with their buckets and spades. 

We looked so out of place in our beach/running gear with no bucket and certainly no spade! But off we went, happily squatting down and plunging our hands into the sand. 

After a while we realised that we would not be able to put the clams into our pockets and that our shoes weren’t going to held as many as we thought so one of us went back to a bucket and spade!

I got chatting to a lovely lady who told me how to wash and cook them. She also gave us a plastic bag as she could see we were struggling with our mass of clams! She also taught me the difference between the variety of clams – one you must cook and one can eat raw like an oyster (Delicious!)  

We were beyond successful in our first clam-picking adventure and went home with two bucketfulls! For four of us.......A little optimistic but hey, it was our first time....

Together with google, painters’ tips and our French lady friend from the beach we produced this:

Mini recipe if you ever find yourself picking clams on a September morning...!

*Wash the clams out at least 5-6 times to get rid of the sand

*Separate out the darker ones so you can open them and eat them raw with a hint of lemon – YUM!

*Cook white wine (not too much....!), shallots and garlic

*Add clams and put lid on

*Add cream when they start opening

*Eat with bread or spaghetti (you can even make yourself a spaghetti alle vongole)

It is such a lovely lovely feeling being able to eat what you’ve spent hours collecting, washing and cooking. It feels clean, natural and fresh. You’re fruits of labour are rewarded with a rich and delicious meal ....  There’s definitely something to be said for pre supermarket days when you had to go and pick your food from the land.

Here’s to my first fishing experience (of sorts) and to the many more that are to come!

S